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Miscellany

HARVARD’S NEW COLORSThis announcement from the Harvard Divinity School’s Recycling Coordinator appeared in a recent issue of The Nave, the …

HARVARD’S NEW COLORS

This announcement from the Harvard Divinity School’s Recycling Coordinator appeared in a recent issue of The Nave, the school’s weekly newsletter: “Someone changed the recycling sign in the Rock entryway from ‘colored paper’ to `paper of color.’ If this was meant as a joke, I don’t think it’s funny. If it was done because of a legitimate concern about language usage, please let me know by leaving a note in my mailbox. Ellen Jennings, Recycling Coordinator.” Soon after the notice was published, the bins were relabeled “bleached paper” and “dyed paper.”

-Harper’s

THE MORE THINGS CHANGE

Alex Pollock, a former Chicago banker now at the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, recently uncovered the following assessment of the banking industry’s woes:

“The failures of the current year have been numerous, many having been characterized by gross mismanagement and some by criminality. In many cases, however, the unfavorable conditions were greatly aggravated by the collapse of unwise speculation in real estate.”

Mr. Pollock’s source: the federal Office of the Comptroller of the Currency. The date: 1891. “Exactly 100 years ago,” he adds.

-Crain’s Chicago Business

AND DOES HE ASK FOR PAPER BAGS OR PLASTIC?

Nehama Zibitt was explaining the omnipresence of God to her kindergarten class at the Hebrew school of Congregation Ohav Shalom in Merrick, Long Island.

“Is God in your bedrooms?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Is God in your kitchen?”

“Yes.”

“Is God in the den with you when you play Nintendo?”

“Yes,” they said, giggling now.

Ms. Zibitt then explained that God was even in places outside the home.

“God is even in Waldbaum’s,” she said. “Which aisle?” piped up one little girl.

-New York Times

THE REAL AMERICAN SMOKE-OUT

A good weapon to use against liberals is smoke. Smoke cigarettes, smoke pipes, but especially smoke cigars, the great big capitalist-pig chair-leg-sized stogies that smell like barbecuing snow tires. Smoking probably isn’t very good for us, but it drives liberals mad, propels them into frenzies of indignation and sanctimoniousness. They flop around in paroxysms of worry about the effects of passive smoke inhalation. It’s a well-known fact that every year thousands of liberals die from having fits about staying healthy.

-P.J. O’Rourke, The American Spectator

JUST A FOOL FOR LOVE

Was anyone fooled by Teddy Kennedy’s high-road stance against sexual harassment in the Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill who’ve had to endure Kennedy’s hamfisted come-ons. Before the latest Kennedy spectacle, one clearly very happily married victim was treated to what must be one of the senator’s more common gambits: “Do you like to sail?”

the senator said, mentioning his boat and leering just enough to imply that fishing wasn’t what he had in mind. After the woman demurred, Kennedy tried a strange sympathy ploy, suddenly mentioning “the president’s boat”-a grotesque reference to his late brother Jack’s vessel. “My boat is jealous of the president’s boat,” Kennedy said. The woman, thinking it best to change the subject, jocularly asked Kennedy why his presidential ambitions were lying dormant. “Because nobody likes me,” he said in a baby voice, and he proceeded to stick his thumb in his mouth.

-Spy

SOCIALISM’S LAST STAND

This year’s annual household economic reports from the Census Bureau show an upsurge of poverty and a slight decrease in inequality. That is what one might expect from a fixation on inequality-everyone gets poorer. The Democrats frightened President Bush by their attacks on “inequality”-and, tragically, Bush abandoned Reagan’s emphasis on economic growth. Why doesn’t Bush return to the economic successes of Reagan? Socialism may be dead in the (former) U.S.S.R.; socialism may be dying in Sweden; but its last stand in America is the belief that inequality is “unfair.”

-Michael Novak, Forbes

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