Are You A Gracious Leader?

Written for Chief Executive by Yasmin Davidds

The definition of ‘a gracious person’ is one who exudes kindness and courtesy; a person characterized by charm, generosity of spirit, and empathy.

In the corporate world, while these attributes are respected, they aren’t considered to be necessary for leaders, and yet, graciousness absolutely leads to effective leadership and tremendous, positive results.

Throughout humankind and for the ages, grace and graciousness have been touted as a person with a kind heart, one with the ability to conduct challenging and emotional conversations, debates even, and yet focus on the shared vision of success, gracefully.

The fourth century theologian St. Augustine and contemporary global entertainer Stevie Nicks share this vision.

The good philosopher saint is quoted as saying, “For grace is given in order that we may be able to do good works.” And rock-and-roller Ms. Nicks, stands firm in her belief with, “If you are gracious, you’ve won the game.”

And let’s not forget, to create the best working environment, honey works better than vinegar.

The goal of Gracious and Effective Leadership offers leaders and potential leaders the opportunity to change the corporate aesthetic from a hard-edge mandate to an inclusive and gracious alliance one executive at a time.

This easily-followed path is known as “Holding Space for Others.”

One of the most effective ways to foster a respectful and inclusive environment is simply to acknowledge, listen and validate every partner, every employee, every client—to “hold space” for them. When you empathize and listen, you are creating a space where they can freely express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

Holding space begins with a genuine effort to understand the other person’s perspective. It involves asking them what they think and how they feel, and it requires us to hear their viewpoint before inserting our own thoughts and feelings. Always, always, always start by listening. This doesn’t mean merely hearing their words but truly listening and understanding their message. This approach not only helps in avoiding ungracious behaviors but also gives you a significant advantage in any interaction.

Holding space for others provides emotional safety, allowing them to lower their guard and express themselves honestly. This practice embodies “Confidently Humble”— being confident in your ability as a corporate leader to create a safe space yet humble enough to recognize that this space is fragile and needs protection. When we actively listen, we give the person(s) we are addressing our undivided attention, focus and respect. Acceptance and nonjudgment are crucial elements of gracious behavior and essential in holding space for others. By starting our interactions this way, we open the door to enhanced communication, understanding and collaborative solutions.

And to a more successful business environment.

Creating an environment of inclusion and holding space is possible, even in workplaces where urgency and transactional processes dominate. Try these six actionable steps:

1. Plan inclusive meetings. When planning meetings with individuals from diverse backgrounds, frame the meeting by honoring the diversity present. Set clear community norms and allow the audience to seek any necessary clarifications.
2. Practice radical curiosity. As individuals share their experiences, practice active listening and echo back to ensure you are correctly hearing their stories. This helps in building a deeper understanding and connection.
3. Be conscious of conflict orientation. Be aware of any negative orientations toward conflict, whether they are reactionary responses or approaches to conflict mediation or resolution. Understanding these orientations can help in managing conflicts more effectively.
4. Promote diversity, equity and inclusion. Study and uplift the work of diversity, equity, and inclusion at the organizational level. Learn and implement policies that help people from different backgrounds overcome unique barriers they face in the workplace. This could include affinity groups, hiring and retention practices, cultural and heritage celebrations, or implicit bias education.
5. Balance participation. As a facilitator, recognize individuals who haven’t spoken or participated. Do not assume their silence means disengagement. Invite them to express what may be on their mind, creating a more balanced and inclusive discussion.
6. Explore your own story. Courageously explore your own story as a tool to build compassion with others. Remember, as Matt Kahn says, “Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.”

To become a leader who excels at holding space, practice these six principles:

1. Value emotional safety. Create an environment where individuals feel safe to express their true thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or repercussion.
2. Practice radical humility. Approach interactions with humility, recognizing that you do not have all the answers and that every perspective is valuable.
3. Engage in active listening. Listen with the intent to understand, not just to respond. This involves giving your full attention and reflecting back what you hear to ensure comprehension.
4. Practice acceptance. Accept others as they are, without trying to change or judge them. This fosters a sense of belonging and respect.
5. Try being nonjudgmental. Suspend judgment and approach each interaction with an open mind. This encourages honest and open communication.
6. Demonstrate compassion. Show genuine care and concern for others. Compassionate leaders inspire trust and loyalty in their teams.

Implementing these principles can transform your workplace culture. Start by setting the tone in meetings and interactions, demonstrating these behaviors consistently. Encourage your team to do the same by modeling active listening, empathy and nonjudgment. Recognize and celebrate diversity and inclusion efforts within your organization and provide training and resources to help everyone develop these skills.

Becoming a better leader involves becoming a better human being. By holding space for others, we practice gracious assertiveness, fostering an environment of respect, understanding and collaboration. These actions not only enhance our leadership effectiveness but also create a more inclusive and supportive workplace for everyone. Embrace the principles of holding space and watch as your interactions and relationships flourish.

By Yasmin Davidds